This theory of rapport is based on work by the American anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell, creator of the research field of kinesics. He suggested that communication could be roughly divided as follows:

• Seven per cent relates to the key words and the number and size of information ‘chunks’ provided
• 38 per cent is relayed by the tone, pitch, quality and speed of our voice
• 55 per cent is directed by our posture, gestures, facial expressions, even the way we blink and breathe.

While these findings have often been misinterpreted, what Birdwhistell postulated was that the way information is communicated – the tone of voice and how we look – maximises the value of the words we speak. In short, 93 per cent of what we communicate is unconscious, or done without thinking. But the other person will notice it and this will influence how they interact with us.

Successful practitioners appreciate how unconscious communication can affect their interactions with others. Create rapport, and rapport creates trust and the conditions for understanding. At that point, you can provide advice and answer the queries a patient or customer may have.

Rapport is a subtle technique, but it is important to recognise that it is not about manipulating another person. It should and must only have a positive intent for both parties. 

So how do you consciously establish rapport with someone at an unconscious level? The short answer is: simply become like the other person. Match and mirror their behaviour to establish rapport.

Let’s look at this in more detail: 

Behaviour matching is when we deliberately imitate a portion of another person’s behaviour. In a consultation, if the patient sits back on their chair, you should do the same thing. 

Mirroring is reflecting back someone’s behaviour, as in a mirror. If a patient puts their right arm on the arm of their chair, position your left arm on your chair arm. Remember that 93 per cent of all communication is based on voice tonality and physiology, so it makes sense to match and mirror those of your patients and customers.

You could choose to match or mirror posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and eye blinking. It will only be obvious if you make large sweeping movements; the secret to rapport is subtlety.

Once you can match or mirror physiology, you will notice major changes. Breathing rate can be surprisingly important. When a person is speaking, they are breathing out. So, while they are speaking, you should be breathing out. Breathe in as they stop to breathe in. 

Matching the voice is so important in all areas of customer and patient care. You can learn to match anyone’s voice tone (pitch), tempo (speed), timbre (quality) and volume. Agitated people – think about a parent with a sick child – can speak very quickly; you may see the anxiety in their eyes and face. Match the speed and tone of the individual and lower your tone. Slow your voice down and see the customer follow until they are more relaxed.

As you listen to people, notice whether they provide information in small or large chunks. Pay attention to how they group their words. 

There is little point in providing large quantities of information in one chunk to someone who needs it to be broken down into smaller ones.

Pharmacists do common experiences well. Most conversations start with something the speakers have in common – interests, background, beliefs and values, ideologies and common associations are all areas that can be explored to build rapport.

Everyone has a prominent thinking pattern. It can be visual, auditory, kinesthetic or auditory digital. How can we match a thinking pattern with our own? A visual person will use statements such as “It looks like…”, “It appears to be…”, “I can see the bigger picture.” As you listen to your patient and pick up on these key words, you should match their communication by using similar words. 

Notice whether a patient or customer repeats certain words or statements associated with a thinking pattern. For example, a visual patient might say “I can’t see how that will work”, so you could reply “I understand that it appears that way, but could you look at it like this?” You are simply picking visual words and feeding them back to the patient. 

Talking in the other person’s thinking pattern can have an amazing effect on communication. And when you are aware of it, you actually start to listen so carefully to your customers that it becomes easier to pick up on key words.