Learn to develop assertive behaviour

For many people, being able to say no effectively is hard.

While there's nothing wrong with saying yes, and helping people out, as long as you want to, it can be difficult when people feel that they can't say no, and they may take too much on.

Remember that it is the request you are saying no to, not the person.

Some tips and ideas include:

• Use an assertive posture. Maintain direct eye contact, stand tall, with relaxed hands and keep your voice calm and loud enough to be heard
• Decide on what you want to say before you start to speak
• Keep the reply short (but not abrupt), without long-winded explanations
• Use phrases such as €I prefer not to€, €I'm not happy to€ or €No, I don't want to€, but keep the tone warm, and speak slowly and steadily so that it doesn't come across as abrupt
• Give the real reason for refusing, not an excuse. There might not be a reason that you can't do it, or you just choose not to. If you invent an excuse, you may be talked into finding a way around the obstacle, which isn't the real issue
• Use the broken record technique €“ keep stating your reply in the same way if the request is repeated and it will eventually be heard
• Be prepared to work to find a compromise or help to find another solution, if appropriate
• Don't apologise profusely.

Compare the following, where a pharmacist has been asked to give a talk to GPs during a busy Friday morning.

€I'd rather not do that on a Friday. I agree that I need to see you, but can we look at alternative times?€

€Oh, I'm really sorry. I wouldn't normally say no. I'd really love to do that, but I'm not sure I can do that on Friday. I think my area manager might pop in that day and Fridays are really hectic for us. I hope you don't mind.€