In many environments, people may work with little praise or recognition of their achievements.

This may be because some people believe that giving praise may make them seem €soft€, or consider their team to be doing the job they're paid to do, or concern that if they give praise, the recipient will think they are after something.

Some people feel uncomfortable giving praise. They can't find the right words or have had an experience where praise has not been well received in the past.

Tips and ideas include:

• Maintain comfortable eye contact
• Keep it brief and clear
• Use €I€ statements, such as "I liked the way you€¦€
• Include specifics, eg €I liked the report, particularly the summary at the end€.

Praise that is given in a non-assertive way, such as €I thought you did that well; I wish I was as good€ (putting yourself down), or €I hope you don't mind me saying, you handled that customer well€ (apologetically) may not be as well received by others.

Praise may also be perceived as:

• Being grudging €“ €You did OK, in the end€
• Having a double meaning €“ €You got the care home out on time. Did Alan help you?€ (implies they couldn't complete it without help)
• Being insincere/patronising €“ €That was so great, well done. What a good idea! Amazing.€

Some people feel uncomfortable receiving praise, so they might shrug it off, give praise in return or put themselves down. When receiving praise, simply thank the giver, keep it short and if you agree with the feedback, include that, too.

€Thanks, Anne, I thought I gave that presentation well, too.€ If you don't agree, qualify your reply, but still thank the giver of the praise. €Thanks, Anne, although I thought I could have spoken a little louder.€

Types of assertion

There are different types of assertive statements that can be used to express needs. Think about how you use these in your day-to-day work.

• Basic €“ a straightforward statement, making your needs clear: €I need you to do the date-checking now.€
• Empathetic €“ contains an element of empathy as well as a statement of need: €I know you're busy, but I need you to complete the date-checking now.€
• Discrepancy €“ this points out the difference between what was agreed, and what is actually happening: €I remember you saying you would get the datechecking finished today, but it hasn't been done yet. I would still like it done.€
• Negative feelings €“ this states the impact of someone else's behaviour on you. This includes €when€ (describe the behaviour that happens), €the effects are€ (how you are affected), €I feel€ (how it makes you feel), €I'd like€ (a statement of preferred behaviour). For example: €When you refuse to complete a task, it puts me in a difficult position. I feel concerned about how this affects the team, so in future I'd like you to complete the task as agreed.€
• Consequence €“ this is when you inform the other person of what the consequences would be of not making changes to their behaviour: €I have asked you to complete this several times. If this happens again, I'll have to start disciplinary proceedings and I'd prefer not to.€

Know your rights

When asserting your rights, avoid violating another person's rights and take responsibility for the consequences of the decisions you make.

When considering a goal that you are aiming for, think about what your rights are in the situation, and whether anything/anyone is affecting those rights, and how. Examples include:

• I have the right to know how my manager views my performance
• I have the right to be consulted about decisions that affect me
• I have the right to try to address a performance issue if a colleague's work falls below the required standard I have the right to get on with my job in my own way, within the agreed framework.

If you don't exercise these rights, you could have increased levels of stress and anxiety, damage your work relationships or receive less than your fair share of what you value.