When thinking of relationships and the level of trust within them, Stephen Covey's metaphor of the 'emotional bank account' is probably one of the most powerful and useful concepts you can use. If you've never heard of this, it basically means that anyone with whom we have a relationship, whether staff, colleagues, customers or fellow professionals, we maintain a personal 'emotional' bank account with them. This account begins on a neutral balance. And just as with any bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. However, instead of dealing with units of monetary value, we deal with units of emotion.

The currencies in Covey's emotional bank account are centred on trust. When we make emotional deposits into someone's bank account, their trust and confidence in us grows. And, as a result, our relationship develops and grows.

If we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes and we'll enjoy open communication with that person.

On the other hand, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develop. If we are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.

Covey discusses six major ways of making deposits into our emotional bank accounts and how we can avoid making withdrawals or going overdrawn.

1. Understanding the individual

In Stephen Covey's famous book, 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', one of the seven habits is 'seek first to understand... then to be understood'. Truly understanding what others are feeling is not always easy. We must stop thinking about ourselves and try to see things their way and empathise with them.

A common fault when talking to others is to think about what you are going to say next while they are talking. Truly understanding someone requires us to completely concentrate on what the other person is saying and not to be simply waiting to respond.

2. Keeping commitments

When we break our promises to others, we make major withdrawals from their emotional bank accounts. However, keeping commitments is not just related to promises. It also includes things such as arriving at work and appointments on time, fulfilling our duties and living up to every word that comes out of our mouths.

3. Clarifying expectations

There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than not understanding what is expected of you. People are not mind readers. And because each of us sees life differently and has different backgrounds and life experiences, expecting someone to just know what we want is not only unfair, but completely unrealistic. It's important that the person with whom you are dealing knows exactly what is expected of them.

4. Attending to the little things

Little courtesies, kind words and warm smiles are at the heart of the things that brighten up a relationship. It shows recognition and an awareness of others. If you want success in relationships it's the little things that become the big things.

5. Showing personal integrity

Nothing is more damaging to a relationship then a lack of integrity. Because the emotional bank account is based on trust, you could essentially be doing all of the previous things, but without trust it will be to no avail. Integrity means wholeness, completeness or soundness; in this case, soundness of moral character. Integrity is the rock-solid foundation on which all successful relationships are built.

6. Apologising sincerely when we make a withdrawal

We are all human. We make mistakes. That's part of life and learning. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting your mistakes in relationships prevents the wounds that you've caused in others from festering and allows them to heal. When appropriate, a sincere apology will keep your relationship accounts in the positive, allowing you to maintain the balance that has been created in all of the previous steps.